all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
