I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
