do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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