you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
porn star boner night. come get it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
