i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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