evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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