I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
