I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
