worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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