but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize