Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
