apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
