Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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