His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
