So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
