I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
