I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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