You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
