I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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