my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
