Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
