I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
