I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
where does the pee come out of this thing
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
