You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
