Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
