hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
