nut hugger
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
