You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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