no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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