i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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