Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
