I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
A bitchslap is in order.
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