im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize