im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
