i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
