It's like God shit irony all over that family
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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