My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
