did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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