if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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