it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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