If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
