She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
