Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
