The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
