I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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