I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
