i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
