so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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