his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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