I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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