I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize