4 words: hood of his car
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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