I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
