It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish I only lived at night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Randomize
