I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
