a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
