I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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