Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
