His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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