I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
