And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
