I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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