sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
