Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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