it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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