i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
