You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
