omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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