im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
