Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
