Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
